Posts Tagged ‘women’

…and I’m a Martian.  No no, I don’t want to be a man.  But, I’ve come to the conclusion that I generally prefer the company of men.  And a few special gals who don’t fit the typical mold.

I realize that I’m taking the liberty of drastically generalizing here, but why is it that women seem to be so threatened by each other?  We are constantly measuring our self-worth by the yardstick of other women’s attributes and achievements.  And we care so dratted much about how we measure up to these other women’s standards.

Women are masters of the subtle jab, and they take plenty at each other.  We are naturally suspicious creatures, prone to imagining other women harboring secret grudges….oh but wait, but perhaps it’s not always our imagination.  Often, the grudges are real enough.

If you are a woman, you never really know how you stand with most other women.  And their opinion of you could change as quickly as you can do something–anything–to become a perceived threat to them.

I’m still generalizing…but, women can be so damn catty in the workplace.  Put your typical man and your typical woman in the same confrontational situation with a coworker of equal rank and of the same sex, and you get two completely different scenarios.  Your typical man will confront said coworker directly and to-the-point.  Confrontation will occur.  Confrontation will then come to completion.  Thirty seconds later, confrontation is forgotten and life is back to normal.  Insert your typical woman into this equation, and the scenario is far different.  The woman will dance around the issue, sugar-coating it to the coworker.  Then she will let the argument fester, silently.  She will discuss the issue to death with anyone who will lend her an ear, save for that person with whom she has the disagreement.  However, her subtle rudenesses and strategic comments to this person will ensure that they are aware that all is not well.

Don’t get me wrong, men have their faults, too.  Many have an internal enemy known as EGO.  However, at least men’s faults are usually fairly straightforward.  I get men.  Women are just too damn complicated.

And so, I’ve decided that I’ve been in workplaces with predominantly female coworkers for too many jobs, too many years.  It’s time for a change.  Nothing personal ladies, I promise!

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On August 15th, 2009 around 3 o’clock on the afternoon, you would have found me on I-95 driving North from our vacation spot in NorthCarolina to Richmond, VA.  You would also have found me practically hyperventilating with nervous excitement.  Why such excitement over LEAVING the beach, you ask?  Because I was on my way to “meet” my best friend from 13 years ago. 

Yes, T and I were inseparable back then.  So many of my happiest childhood memories include our crazy fun times together.  In many ways, we were so very different–she was totally spontaneous, I was a planner; she was a wild child to my (perceived) sensibilities; I’d pretty much grown up in one place, while she had moved often.  Despite our differences, we went together like bees and honey.  We were both talkative, opinionated, independent tom-boys.  When we weren’t providing nanny services for our younger sibs (a task made more bare-able by each others’ company), we were usually exploring the fields, woods, and streams around our homes in our shorts and tees.  (Who needed shoes!?)  We were two free spirits learning where we wanted to make our place in the world. 

Friends are life’s finest blessings. “Friend” and “free” are from the same root word; perhaps because you are free to be yourself with a friend.”
~Author Unknown

We were both gangly–all arms and legs and left feet–but we were gangly together, so it was OK.  Together, T and I discovered boys.  It happened to be the same boy, but our friendship survived just fine.  We also discovered our mutual hatred of geese and love of 4-H.  We formed unique, mature-beyond-our-years opinions about marriage, families, babies, birth, education, and women.  Not necessarily the same opinions, but different opinions, especially compared with other girls our age.  We shared our deepest secrets, desires, and dreams.  Life was pretty awesome with T.

Then, one day, T and her mom and sister moved away.  I was heartbroken, but I made new friends.  They weren’t as uniquely awesome as T, but they were great friends in their own right.  My biggest regret was that I hadn’t been able to keep in touch when she moved away.

About 11 years came and went.  I graduated from high school and college.  I moved to a new city, and then another.  I occasionally thought of my long lost bestie, T.  I even Googled her once or twice, but came up empty handed.  Then, one day, I up and decided that I WAS going to find T.  If Google could tell me anything ELSE, then by gosh it would find her for me, too.  (A teeny bit stalkerish, I know, but this was important.)  It took some time, but I finally found her!  (Yay for Google and social networking sites!) 

Our  “reunion” was bittersweet, at least for me.  I was incredibly happy to have found her, but wanted so badly to see her in the flesh.  See, she lived in Virginia and I lived in Ohio.  Oh well, at least she isn’t in China, I thought.  It could be worse.  I promised myself that sometime, somehow, we would visit.  And so, while planning our Summer ’09 Outer Banks vacation, I convinced hubby that we should travel home via Richmond, VA.

And there I was, driving through Richmond on my way to T and her husband’s house…flipping out.  I didn’t really know what to expect–could our friendship pick up where we’d left off, or would it be awkward and weird?–thus, my heart was trying to jump out of my chest.

As soon as we walked up to the front porch and I saw T waiting with open arms (jumping up and down!), I knew it was all going to be great.  Absolutely, wonderfully great.  And it was.

A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.”
~Lois Wyse

T understands parts of me that no other friend of mine can.  I can still tell her anything, absolutely anything.  I wish, fervently, that she could be a bigger part of my day-to-day life.  That we could travel the road to the future side-by-side.  Don’t get me wrong, the Internet is terrific, but it’s just not the same.  And while I have wonderful, awesome friends here in Ohio, there’s just no one else in the world quite like T.

Alverna and Terra


As I look back on all that’s happened..growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me — there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever..and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you’ll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.”
~Author Unknown

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