Keys to Marital Bliss

Thoughts on what makes hubby and I tick…

~Hubs and I both dig cuddling…lots of cuddling.  Unless one of us is deathly ill, suffering from a life-threatening injury, or majorly overheated, we–at very least–go to sleep and wake up spooning.  On a typical morning, my alarm goes off at 6:15am and–shortly thereafter–I hear, “Hmmm nmm, wanna cuddle?”  It’s a nice way to get the day started off right, though a common side effect is staying in bed too long, thus having to rush my shower.

~Since we (I) don’t believe in “his” and “her” roles, we sat down and made a list of all the jobs around the house (and farm) that have to get done daily and/or weekly. Then we each picked a job one at a time until they were all taken. Hubby picked laundry and dishes. He owns lawn care and a bunch of other duties. I have cooking and cleaning stalls and a ton of other stuff. It works for us.

~We agree on a few key deal-breakers.  Cheating, smoking, and tattoos are all divorceable offenses.

~I occasionally eat tofu and soy products.  Hubs will try everything once, and from then on I have agreed to leave him–a happy man–alone with his beef.

~When I first met my husband, he proudly sported a mustache and a goatee.   I have sensitive skin and found the facial hair a little….honestly?…irritating,.  Our compromise?  The mustache met Mr. Razor.  Now we’re both happy.

~We kiss and say “I love you” before leaving the house every morning.

~Hubs has heroically shouldered the responsibility of playing Money Manager.  How very un-21st century of us, I know.  However, I appreciate a little distance from the very thing I stress over most in life.

~My husband is a creature of habit.  He avoids change like the plague.  I, on the other hand, am a schemer and a dreamer.  I like to come up with lots of plans, many of which will never reach fruition.  To combat the obvious frustration we’re prone to experiencing with each other, hubby has learned to adopt a “wait and see” approach to my ideas.  Oftentimes, I come up with a new idea before he’s required to submit an opinion on the old one.  And I have learned to propose change gradually, giving him time to digest before expecting a response.  It usually works.

~We have His and Hers dogs, just so no one gets jealous.

~Since I tend to swell like a rattlesnake bite when stung, bitten, or otherwise faced with nature, my hubby is kind enough to handle pests, poison ivy, and other flora and fauna that are out to get me.  The one exception?  Per hubby’s request I handle any stray spiders.

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It irks me when…

…I forget to put my wedding ring on in the morning before going to work. 

Then–all day long–I feel naked and exposed without it.  Yes, I know it’s just a band of metal on my finger, but it’s a constant presence that I miss dearly when it’s not where it belongs.   Silly and a bit girly, but 100% true.

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Hello, my name is Alverna

and I am a migraine sufferer.    

There, I said it.  It’s something not many of my friends may know about me, though my utterly devoted husband has become all too familiar with my migraines (especially during the past few months).  Call this the beginning of my coming out, if you will.  It’s really not something I’m very comfortable with, frankly.  I’ve always been a tomboy, and lately I feel like my body is failing me.  I don’t like being labeled as ‘sick’, though it’s nice to finally have a ‘diagnosis’ for several years worth of pain, nausea, asking Tim to turn down the TV, cringing at oncoming headlights when driving, etc.  At my husband’s urging, I went to see my general practice doctor a year and a half ago for my severe, almost daily headaches.  And after going through three different doctors, several other diagnosis, a nasty car accident that certainly didn’t help matters, and finally seeing a neurologist in November, I’ve been diagnosed with chronic migraines.  It turns out I’ve had them for at least three or four years.

How can you not know you have migraines?, you ask.  I should clarify.  I’ve had several what I would consider crippling migraine attacks–horribly throbbing head, severe nausea, intense photophobia and phonophobia–that put me in bed for the day.  So yes, I knew I had migraines.  I’d get them once or twice a year, until this year.  This year I’ve had five or six of those.  However, I was under the impression that the daily headaches I was getting where “regular” headaches.  Yes, they were bad and I wanted to puke and crawl in bed when I got home at the end of the day, but I was under the (misguided) assumption that you had to be in an immense amount of pain for the headache to be a migraine.  Migraines are actually defined as vascular in nature, not by the amount of pain they generate, though they generally are quite painful.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine)

 My diagnosis leaves me working towards findings a treatment program that works for me.  Unfortunately, this is a frustrating, trial-and-error process.  My doc originally put me on Topamax (another story) as a preventative, and has now added Pamelor.  I take Imitrex as an abortive (i.e. when I feel a migraine coming on).  I also get to make lots of fun lifestyle changes, like limiting how much cheese, pizza, and wine I eat.  Of course, all my favorites!  Meanwhile, I’ve done a lot of research and found out how scary migraines are.  From a physiological standpoint, a migraine is very similar to a stroke, and migraineurs are more likely to suffer a stroke at some point in their life.  What the medical community doesn’t agree on is how much more likely, but it’s between 50-80% vs. those who don’t have migraines.  (http://headaches.about.com/cs/education/a/hp_ingore_not.htm)

On the upside, I have a wonderful, supportive husband who loves me very much and will stand by me through anything.  They say the first year of marriage is often the rockiest (if that’s a word).  Time will tell if ours has been, but we’ve grown a lot together.  Our families (and friends) have helped us a lot, too, but mostly it’s just been the two of us.  We rock!  And I’m looking forward winter being over (I’m not a fan of winter, it’s a blue, cold time of year for me), and spring to be here!

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